Graduation. Everything in my life seems to have been leading up to this point. All that I’ve worked for and strived for has finally come true. The most exciting, yet stressful times in anyone’s life probably included moments like this. Even though I was happy about becoming a graduate and looking for a job in my field, I felt stressed. The pressures and reality of going out into the world became overwhelming, I began second guessing myself, wondering if I was really cut out for the “real” world.
A few days before graduation, I had this text conversation with a close friend of mine. Unbeknownst to him, he helped me refocus on the not-to-distant future, and wipe away any anxiety I had.
A few days before graduation, I had this text conversation with a close friend of mine. Unbeknownst to him, he helped me refocus on the not-to-distant future, and wipe away any anxiety I had.
F: ... I just feel so out of place like, I don’t fit in with anything I do.
Me: It’s ok to feel like that. Believe me, I use to too, more than you know. But I found things that felt right, that made me smile and I fit in like a missing puzzle piece. You just have to find that fit too.
F: How? By forcing it? That doesn’t work and we both know it.
Me: No, you should go out and find it naturally.
F: I don’t know where to find it. Even if I did, I don’t believe I’d know what to do with it.
Me: Well, you got to do what I did. Go out there and try different things. Then when you find something that makes you feel natural, grab it and run with it.
F: What did you do? How did you do it exactly?
Me: Well, literally, I went to different clubs and activities that I had interest in. For example, I was interested in public speaking and poetry, so I went to my high school’s forensics club and just watched and learned. I tired it a few times, went to competitions, but it didn’t click. It felt like I didn’t fit.
F: Did you ever find your niche?
Me: It’s ok to feel like that. Believe me, I use to too, more than you know. But I found things that felt right, that made me smile and I fit in like a missing puzzle piece. You just have to find that fit too.
F: How? By forcing it? That doesn’t work and we both know it.
Me: No, you should go out and find it naturally.
F: I don’t know where to find it. Even if I did, I don’t believe I’d know what to do with it.
Me: Well, you got to do what I did. Go out there and try different things. Then when you find something that makes you feel natural, grab it and run with it.
F: What did you do? How did you do it exactly?
Me: Well, literally, I went to different clubs and activities that I had interest in. For example, I was interested in public speaking and poetry, so I went to my high school’s forensics club and just watched and learned. I tired it a few times, went to competitions, but it didn’t click. It felt like I didn’t fit.
F: Did you ever find your niche?
Me: Eventually. I tried my schools newspaper next... I thought it would be exciting....I was wrong again. Then I started doing dramas and musicals. Well I liked it and fit in kinda well, so I kept at it. But it didn’t light a fire...I wasn’t fitting completely.
F: And what happened next?
Me: I found it. And...it totally smacked me upside the head. My forensics teacher thought I would be good for the on-air TV school announcements. But as I continued to go to the studio, the more I felt the need to be behind the camera, and the more I went, the more I missed it when I didn’t have a segment on air.
F: So you found what you were looking for?
Me: Yup. When I graduated high school, I cried. Not because I would miss my high school days, or the friends, or the teachers. I cried because I would miss being in that studio so much. That’s when reality really hit me. I was to be something or someone in media. The fire that began, burned brighter. I felt in place, like for the first time in my life the universe screamed “YES!”, and the puzzle pieces fell perfectly into place. That’s how it’s been most of my life. The pieces always fitting perfectly together at the last second, with hard-work to back it up.
F: And what happened next?
Me: I found it. And...it totally smacked me upside the head. My forensics teacher thought I would be good for the on-air TV school announcements. But as I continued to go to the studio, the more I felt the need to be behind the camera, and the more I went, the more I missed it when I didn’t have a segment on air.
F: So you found what you were looking for?
Me: Yup. When I graduated high school, I cried. Not because I would miss my high school days, or the friends, or the teachers. I cried because I would miss being in that studio so much. That’s when reality really hit me. I was to be something or someone in media. The fire that began, burned brighter. I felt in place, like for the first time in my life the universe screamed “YES!”, and the puzzle pieces fell perfectly into place. That’s how it’s been most of my life. The pieces always fitting perfectly together at the last second, with hard-work to back it up.
Me: The fire only intensified when I went to CCBC and went into the Mass Com program. Then at Towson, you could pretty much say that fire became an inferno- a blaze that could take on Hell itself. That’s how much I wanted it and how much I want it now. Even when I’m about to graduate, the fire can’t be dowsed. Even as I graduate, I’m not satisfied. I want more. More knowledge. More skill. More everything that revolves around media and film; and I don’t want to stop until I’m fulfilled. I’m where I need to be and until heaven says otherwise, I’m going to continue to run towards what I want and never look back. For the first time in my life, I’ve found something so sacred that my family or enemies can’t touch it- something that I would do anything for. Then to find people who feel the same- it puts me at an all new level of passion for what I love to do.
F: That’s impressive. It must be great to feel like that; that’s good for you, for me it isn’t that way. I know what I WANT to do, the problem is that I’m alone while doing it.
Me: It may be impressive, but it’s burdensome. And I never always had people who thought like me. Many of those people I still have yet to meet.
F: Yea, but you’ve got people that surround you and like you for who you are. I have few like that, and they’re not always around.
Me: It may be impressive, but it’s burdensome. And I never always had people who thought like me. Many of those people I still have yet to meet.
F: Yea, but you’ve got people that surround you and like you for who you are. I have few like that, and they’re not always around.
Me: So what if your doing it alone. If you want something. Go get it. Stick to what you want. People will respect you. Don’t fear being alone, you will find others who think like you. Stay strong.